Shermon Burgess

Shermon “Squirmy” Burgess is a cyberbeggar who was the UPF’s loudest idiot until he was kicked out for trying to distance himself from Hitler and Nazism. Squirmy’s M.O. involves uploading angry videos where he whinges about lefties making his tough facade too hard to maintain, then deleting them an hour later – all while in the process of “quitting” being the Great Aussie Patriot.

Some of Squirmy’s rage issues, instability and incoherence may stem from what looks like a serious drug problem, the symptoms of which could be seen in just about every sputtering rant he vomits up from the recesses of his hate-filled imagination.

Before he was thrown out of the UPF, he was known for quitting to scam fundraising money out of his followers, and then returning the next day, presumably after his ice dealer was repaid. As seen in one video he tried to delete, Squirmy’s entire tantrum turned out to be over tasting a little bit of his own medicine and having a single video made about him. Squirmy’s well-earned breakdown was very public and very funny:

Shermon Burgess Crying Like A Child
Shermon Burgess Crying Like A Child

These days, Shermon uploads a video insulting other patriots and threatening to quit while he’s verging on tears twice a day. The novelty is starting to wear off.

As an extremely violent person, Squirmy Burgess would like to think of himself as tough and intimidating, but he’s mostly dangerous because through his prolific idiocy, he encourages others commit the violence he’s too scared to follow through on himself. A look at The Great Aussie Patriot Facebook page on any day will show dozens of comments calling for violence, supporting Shermon’s calls for violence, or planning attacks on Australians, most of the time having been ‘liked’ by Shermon himself. Being a misogynistic fuckface, Shermon often targets women for his campaigns of hatred, knowing they will be inundated with threats of rape and sexual violence.

The only direct threat that Shermon himself poses is in how prolifically he vomits his stupidity onto the internet. There is growing concern that the world’s supply of digital storage space will be consumed by Squirmy’s teary whinges about lefties hurting his feelings.

If you encounter Squirmy Burgess alone and convulsing in a gutter somewhere then the threat is minimal, but repeated exposure to his tears and childish howls of angst is known to result in severe brain damage. The best method for dealing with a Shermon Burgess attack is to just let him cry at you until he gets dehydrated.

Shermon Burgess is the only remaining friend of Wiggum Cancernara.

Threat level
2

Dayjob:       Unemployed

Location:       Cooma

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