Elise Chapman

Elise Chapman is the leader of the UPF in Bendigo, though many suspect that her second-in-command, Helen Leach, is actually the one secretly directing the operation.

Elise Chapman seems to be the George W. Bush of Bendigo, providing an unending source of laughable stupidity that often comes with real and serious negative consequences for her constituents. A vaunted figure amongst the area’s hateful bigots, every available piece of public evidence, from statements to pictures, suggest that Elise Chapman is a relentless drug addict*. Sources have suggested that the reason she keeps getting the UPF to go to Bendigo is because Shermon Burgess brings her large quantities of ice.

In early January 2016, Chapman announced she was running for the Victorian Senate as a candidate for Pauline Hanson‘s infamous One Nation party.

Elise Chapman is likely to be extremely dangerous if attacked, or provoked, or approached, or if she sees you move out of the corner of her eye. Her main method of pacifying her prey involves latching onto them with her remaining teeth and draining their life force away. Each victim makes her more powerful.

We must insist that only well-trained professionals attempt to approach Chapman, and only do so in large groups. She is one of the UPF’s most dangerous assets.

* Contrary to popular rumours, our sources have confirmed that Elise Chapman is almost definitely not a malfunctioning robot with a skin made of wax.

Threat level
10

Dayjob:       Claims to be a farmer and an estate agent

Location:       Bendigo

You May Also Hate

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *