The First Fascist Fuckhead Friday

It’s officially our first Fascist Fuckhead Friday and today we’re publishing profiles of the main faces of United Patriots Front.

The United Patriots Front (UPF) is a collection of feral children, steroid junkies and biker outcasts so afraid of brown people that they had to make a support group for it.

Ashamed of being looked down on for being so fearful and concurrently unable to understand why the rest of Australia isn’t so afraid, the UPF is an attempt by society’s rejects to feel less disenfranchised by regaining the feeling of power they got from bullying people back before they dropped out of high school.

The UPF is widely renowned as the stupidest movement in Australia. The circlejerk is so overwhelming that every time the UPF adds a member, the sum IQ of the group remains the same.

Driven entirely by hatred, filled with violent criminals, misogynists, generic thugs, hypocritical religious extremists and neo-Nazis, the UPF is the worst stain on Australia’s reputation since the White Australia Policy – which, fittingly enough, the UPF would bring back if given the chance.

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